SNAPSHOTS: Andean Wisdom Retreat, Canadian Islands, Seattle

9/13/21: First full day at Hollyhock on Cortes Island, woke up early to learn about sea birds with a Naturalist. He told us there are no such thing as SEA gulls, there are just GULLS. LOL. Now I know. Anyways, this island is unreal and I’ve already met so many beautiful people. In today’s workshop we did our first shamanic journey meditation and I struggled to follow along and go deeper. Breathe. It’s just the first day my love. Looking forward to learning more about Andean wisdom from Jhaimy. We’ll see what the rest of this week brings.

9/14/21: Beautiful session tonight. Jhaimy created a ceremonial alter where we poured in our intentions for everything we wanted to release and everything we wanted to call in. Garreth played music and the vibrations washed over all of us. Afterwards Jhaimy asked me, how long have you been a “seeker”? Exasperated I said “forever probably”. He said - “Stop being a seeker and be a FINDER.” We did another meditation together and I began to hear the messages come in… “Accept yourself. Love yourself. Let go of perfectionism. Everyone makes mistakes.” I told Jhaimy - “I’m so tired of the thoughts in my head.” “So stop listening.” He said.

9/15/21: Fire ceremony tonight to close out the ritual we began yesterday. Hard to describe how wonderful it is to sit in circle around a fire with people talking, singing, laughing, telling stories. How natural it is. How nourishing it is. As I shared with the group, an owl came to perch on the post behind me. Like the same owl that flew past me in Yellowstone when I was lost. Thanks for the sign Universe. My heart is full. We closed out with our backs to the fire, singing as Jhaimy burned everything we released in the flames. “Let it all go and don’t look back” he said.

9/16/21: Holy shit, had the most crazy vivid, terrifying dreams last night. Woke up in the middle of the night and literally looked under the bed for ghosts. In the shamanic journey meditation today, Jhaimy said to bring that vision back to mind and put myself back together again. This time I was able to go deep right away. Saw the scene turn from grotesque and graphic to nourishing and beautiful. Built up the home in my heart and surrounded myself with love. Don’t forget… have reverence for yourself my love. Take care of your home.

9/17/21: Final session today with those who didn’t have to leave early. Talked about all kinds of things and was so nice to share, connect and go off on all kinds of tangents together. When it was time to go Jhaimy and I ended up on the same ferries back so got to hang, relax and talk life. These are the kinds of conversations I drove across the country for. On the drive back to Victoria it started to torrentially rain. At one point a wave of water rolled over my windshield and completely blocked out my view. Thankfully the person behind me was going slow enough not to hit me. Shortly after I passed a car that was overturned and had been completely burned. Spent the rest of the ride praying and feeling blessed to have made it back safely.

9/18/21: Sitting here feeling a little sad and lost. This retreat was the last thing I had really planned on this trip. Now feeling anxious about what’s next. When I told Jhaimy I planned to be gone a year he said… “A YEAR? If you feel called to complete early, be ok with that.” It’s like I was wound up so tight these last few years. Felt trapped at times. Then as soon as I was released I expanded, BOOM, like a super nova. He said I ran… did I? Was this trip impulsive? I felt called though… To what goal? What did I feel called to? WHY AM I HERE??? “How.” Jhaimy said. The question is “How do you live?”

9/19/21: Woke up before sunrise to go to the beach with Susan for a polar plunge. Was amazed by her group of friends and how they walked right in and seemed to enjoy being in the cold water. After gingerly wading in, the shock of the cold wore off a bit and I was able to walk in up to my thighs. Was surprised that after a few minutes my feet weren’t burning cold anymore. I laster longer than I thought and did a quick body dunk on my way out. Feeling invigorated and refreshed. Think I can see why she does this everyday…

9/20/21: Amazed that I went from not knowing where I’d be spending the night tonight, to everything magically working out. I used to need everything planned out to a T - now it’s like… WHO AM I?? LOL. Got on the first ferry this morning and made a pit stop in Vancouver to interview Jhaimy for the podcast. Spent the afternoon connecting, recording and catching up. Grateful that this podcast is a perfect reason to have deep meaningful conversations with people. Not that I need a reason… Finally headed out and jumped on another ferry to Bowen Island to reconnect with Anja and Adam who I met at the retreat.

9/21/21: Anja led us through a kundalini yoga session on the side of the mountain today, accompanied by her singing and playing ukulele. Was a little unsettling to be on the cliff’s edge there… like don’t lose your balance!! What a gift it is to share this space with her though and get a little glimpse into her life. Really inspiring how she’s following her spark and moved from England to the other side of the world here to live a life aligned with her values.

9/22/21: Full day today with a mix of emotions. Led the last session for Patti’s coaching package and was so fun to close it out with a feng shui ceremony and watch all of her intentions come to life. Interviewed Anja for the podcast in the afternoon and got to hear more about her inspiring story. Even as these things fill me up energetically, I still hear limiting thoughts and inner saboteurs show up and drain me. Telling me I’m not good enough and all kinds of other lies. Grateful for the communities and coaches I’m surrounded by to help me work through this. Life is too short to let these thoughts rule you my love.

9/23/21: Time to go “home” today LOL. Back to Seattle anyways! Grateful Kim is cool with having me back and feels really nice to have a community to come back to. Stopped at Aslan Brewery in Bellingham, WA on my way and got a beer and chicken teriyaki bowl. SO FREAKING DELICIOUS. Nice to just sit and journal. As I got back in the car and started driving Kim called me and asked if I wanted to go a Juanes concert tomorrow. “FUCK YES I do! See you when I get home!”

9/24/21: JUANES!!!!!!! So nice to be listening to live music again. Really blows my mind how a month ago I knew none of these people and now here I am, being serenaded by Juanes and feeling like I’ve known them for years. After an amazing show we went out for a drink at Von’s. I don’t normally drink cocktails, but thought - what the heck, it’s a special occasion. Ordered something fancy with red boba pearls in it and enjoyed every sip.

9/25/21: Salsa on Alki Beach tonight! Beautiful setting. Great music. Was fun…ish. Found myself missing salsa friends from the past. Feeling surrounded by a million people and yet alone. Just ride the waves my love. It’s ok to head home.

9/26/21: Every time I walk down the street from Kim’s house I pass the neighbors fence with all these grape vines. They always look so delicious, but I never wanted to just take one. Today when I passed she was out there and was like HERE take this bucket of grapes! I have too many! Umm… THANKS GOD! LOL. Did I manifest this?? Later on, called Liana to talk and told her how I was struggling. Feeling scared and having a hard time trusting the unknown and believing it will all work out. Can’t remember everything she said, and she must have had some good advice because I’m feeling a little better now… Grateful to have a sister on this rollercoaster of life.